I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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