I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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