The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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