I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
