Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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