There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
