What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
