If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
