i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
