3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
