I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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