Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
did i just pee glitter
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