so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
