I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
