JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
