Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
