Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
