you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
