I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Randomize
