omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just forgot I was standing up.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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