my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I AM VODKA MAN
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
