Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
