I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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