The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
