Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
