The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
