hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
