Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
