he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
