They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
