I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
worst night to have a conscience
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
