I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
