Ambien. No doubt about it.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
