Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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