Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
