just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
