How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
