Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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