How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
