I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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