Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
