I wish I could teleport
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
