I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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