a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
that's an acceptable place to lick
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
