What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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