you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
