Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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