once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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