If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Two words: nipple clamps
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