apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
