I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
