my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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