Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
